Living Grace Everyday

All my life is built against understanding, accepting grace. I work so I can eat, I study to show myself approved, I’m frugal to weather financial storms. You get what you pay for. There is no such thing as a free lunch. And I try to organize my life around this stuff.

And then I am told that I am freely accepted by God, not based on merit but on grace. It’s hard to fit that into my life. Well, so I believe it a little because I feel deep inside me there must be at least some small thing that is wrong with me so grace can cover that. And then there are moments when I realize and I’m overwhelmed with the depth of my own evil. But there is still a big piece of me that wants to think mostly I earned God’s acceptance. And that you have to earn it too. It’s hard to wrestle that thought out of my mind. (And it’s hard to just accept an unearned gift. But that’s the other side of the coin for another blog.)

So I slip into a line of thinking that has me believing I am "saved" by grace, and that takes care of the "eternity" question, the big question. And this is a huge issue, what happens in eternity, and I can understand why grace is needed here. I can hardly get my mind around the idea of eternity yet alone think I can earn my way to good standing forever, so surely I will grab onto grace here. But that too is a problem, grace is so wrapped up in salvation and eternity that I begin to see it as a one shot deal. Once I accept grace for that issue it's settled I then move back to living by merit like the rest of society. And grace has no impact on my day to day life.

But I don’t think grace was meant to be a one shot deal. I think maybe it was meant to help me unclinch my hands. To see that my foundation is all wrong. That I am to live generously like God, daily.

But I’m still thinking about that and this post is too long already.